On the ledge

In the seamless dark of the night falling onto this chilling February night, there stood a man. It was me. I was standing on a thin ledge. I had stepped outside my room window. Twenty five floors above the ground, I could hardly stand still. The crisp cold wind freezing my mind, with everything else. I tried to recollect what it was that made me stand here. I looked down, and I shuddered. It was the city that never slept- New York City. It was the city which gave me everything and then, snatched it all away. Everything. I could see the empire state, tall and elegant it stood. I wondered whether it wanted to just lay low sometimes. Just take a break from all that busy life. Mind flooded with all the pointless thoughts, I decide to look down once more. To face it. To face death. I shut my eyes, deciding to jump now. My leather shoes had dirt over them. I had decided to wear my wedding suit for this day. The piece of cloth that was etched to my body the day it all started should be there when it all was to come to an end. In the far recesses of my sub conscious mind, I still am thinking she might just come and hold my hand. She might turn up and say-" Oh, honey. Don't do this to yourself." The truth though, was embedded into me. She must be far away in some exotic place, you know. Paris, Venice or maybe Madrid for all I know. With another man touching her, caressing her the way I used to. With another hand entwined into hers where my hand would fit. This thought, even after three months would somehow create waterworks in my eyes I never thought I was capable of. Her last words to me were in the form of an e-mail saying she was sorry. Was sorry really enough? Would I spring back to life with that sorry? Was sorry ever enough? I couldn't concentrate on anything now. She was my life, a soul mate. I was the safest around her. The only place which was permanent. She took it all away when she went. She took the soul out of me three months back, and I have decided I would take the life away today. I closed my eyes. Now with the image of her and her lover in bed. That was it, that was all it took. I let myself free. I let myself lose into that image which I would carry to my death. I would bother her no more. I would exist no more.