The need to be something "more"

With every drop that poured down from the heavy clouds that night, she could feel herself shiver and sob harder. It almost took a while for the realisation to dawn upon her, but it happened that night. She'd learnt how to expect and not show, she'd learnt how to silence the demons shouting and shrieking from deep inside her. It would be this way, always. She'd expect- and things would go the other way. Somehow, she'd found her way lost into unrealistic realms of this feeling. Maybe, well because she pushed herself to her limits to stay in the line, to be someone that would look very happy but was a chained dragon on the inside. She would never show it and she knew it. The rain, the thunder, the voices calling out her name- nothing could pull her back from the state of nothingness she had drifted into. Nothing could tell her a way of finding peace with herself and the way she is. She just wouldn't suffice for anybody. She was one way or the other asking for too much in love, not showing too much in friendship and becoming that undesirable and "should be left on her own" daughter. She read theories and gigantic paragraphs about how should life be and how it has to have its own essence and meaning, understanding the lines to its very consonants. Somehow longing for those to come to life in her case was where she was pulled out of this imagination and thrust hard upon the sharp face of the reality.